Behind the scenes update

It’s amazing how fast time flies. I remember my last blog post – boasting about change and a new layout and design and all that jazz – and here we are, weeks later and nothing has changed. Well, not exactly. A LOT has changed on my end of things, but nothing that has been reflected here.

In the past few weeks many things changed on the other side of my blog, the side that isn’t reflected in my words and visual aspect of this site. I renewed my domain name, I purchased a fabulous new layout that’s much more me, I downloaded WordPress.org to my laptop and my iMac, and I’ve been up to my eyeballs in trying to figure out how the eff I’m supposed to transfer my site from the .com to .org versions of WordPress. In the past I was a wiz at HTML and all that background work. I used to change the design of my fan fiction webpages and online diaries every other week when I learned something new. But new things started to emerge – css and flash and java – and I never kept up. So now, everything look like garble-goop. I’m learning as I go so I’m hopeful that everyone is patient with me. I don’t want to load a half assed blog, I want it to be 100% from the get-go (which is kind of my downfall in most things in life).

In my non-blog life, even more has changed. Three weeks ago my belly decided it remembered what being pregnant was like and it popped out. My daughter believes I’m pushing out my stomach, I wish I could say I was. In my opinion I look much farther along than almost 19 weeks. But what can you do about that? Around the same time my belly popped, I started getting kicked the gut.

http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1252251

Seriously. As I am sitting here typing away, I’m getting little ninja kicks and punches in my lower abdomen. It’s an amazing feeling I forgot about. Two weeks ago my Mr. felt his first kick. Three days ago Banana Pants felt her first kick. She claims her brother/sister is already kicking her around… So now that the people around me are starting to connect with the my little ninja, its making things more real each and every day.

We’re still getting our house ready to sell and hopefully in a month it will be on the market. It’s a lot of work that needs to be done right now to get the house in selling mode. And I’m tired a lot and when we do plow through and do a huge day of cleanup I’m spent and in pain. But we need to get this done and it needs to be done before the end of the year.

Lastly, on the work-front, things are madness. I have no other way to describe it. As we get closer to the end of the year we have more and more that needs to get done. People are getting busier, so more and more is getting passed around. Without going into too much detail, a part of the company is moving offices to a different province come January. Until then we are continuing to do that part of our jobs, and then we send everything to the new office. Since a majority of what I do is being transferred, I have a good knowledge of these type of accounts. So I am getting the brunt of things that are being sent off. Needless to say I’m drowning.

http://www.sxc.hu/photo/860272

So here I am, stressed because I’m not working to my full potential, stressed because I have more on my plate than I can handle, and ready to crack at any moment. The problem is that everyone is feeling like this. Complaining and tying to get someone else to take some pressure off me isn’t going to work. There is no one else to help.

And all I can think of is going on early leave.

Stress isn’t a good thing when you’re pregnant. It’s not a good thing for anyone, but during pregnancy its best to “try” and avoid it. But if I’m not stressed about work, it’s about selling the house, or getting the house ready to sell, or making sure Banana Pants learns to read french (which apparently her teacher thinks she’s weak at, but I see constant improvement), or any and everything. I’ve always been a worried/stressed person, changing now is not going to happen.

So wanting to go on early leave to get one part of my stress gone is something I think about a lot. However, when those ideas come to mind, guilt starts to plague me. I feel guilty thinking about leaving early because it will hurt everyone else in my department. I feel guilty because deep down I know I can suck it up and handle everything and stick around until mid-March like planned. I feel guilty because if I go on early leave I take a pay cut and our family has to change our spending habits for a bit.

No matter what I do right now I feel stressed.

And I miss writing more than ever right now. I’ve been reading such amazing books lately when I get some free time, and I yearning to write. My words are inside my head and I want nothing more than to sit for a few hours and write my little heart out. But thinking about taking time out of my already crazy schedule makes me feel… You guessed it! Guilty.

I have decided though, that to get back into my writing I first need to get back into my blogging. I found my creativity increased when I wrote more frequently, so blogging more regularly will help. Also, with all the changes in my life right now, I am trying to find what direction to take this blog into that will be a better representation of who I am today.

So like always, thank you my dear sweet lovelies for reading, and supporting, and for continuing on in my life journey.

Until next time!

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